Drop the guilt and embrace who you are.
Whaaat? I’m telling you there’s a plus side to being judgemental.
Yep, that’s exactly what I’m saying.
We are bombarded with guilt inducing messages to not judge others.
To be kind and empathetic.
We don’t know other people’s stories so we’ve no right to judge. And I absolutely agree with that. Critical judgement for no other reason than just to be bitchy is mean and unnecessary and shows poor character. Look at me judging the judgers. See how easy it is?
This is why I believe we shouldn’t attempt to lose judgement altogether but to simply change our perspective on it.
To start with it’s almost impossible.
Trust me I’ve tried.
I spent five days raising my awareness of my own judgements and I was surprised at the results.
I thought I was a pretty open minded live and let live kind of person, and I am, until I brought my conscious focus to the thoughts free flowing through my mind unchecked.
The super quick micro thoughts that flicker so quickly that without conscious awareness I wasn’t even aware existed within me.
A car pulls out in front of me: “typical Audi driver”. (Sorry Audi drivers)
Two ladies stopping for a chat in the supermarket aisle “Ffs mother’s meetings on a Tuesday”. (sorry old friends meeting in the aisle – and yes, I’m totally guilty of this too)
Cold caller on the telephone “get a proper job”. (sorry telesales people)
Non child bearing person parking in child and parent bay…..”Do not get me started”! (not sorry at all)
Read an article full of typos “spellcheck was designed for a reason D’uh”! (prays I’m in the clear on this one, waits for the type police to point it out)
Simply out and about “oooh that dress, no love, just no”.
After chastising myself for being such a wicked bad person I got to thinking.
Am I a bad person after all?
Should I get therapy?
If I’m being honest, which although it makes me cringe inwardly to admit it, all of the above judgements were mean, they didn’t serve any purpose other than to release my frustration which had nothing to do with the situation or person I was casting that judgement on.
So I set about doing something about it, I placed an elastic band around my wrist and every time I found myself making a mean and undeserved critical judgement I twanged it against my skin, said sorry out loud and turned it into a complimentary thought.
Over the course of the week I found the critical thoughts reduced, my sense of well being and inner peace increased and I actually felt quite proud of the new me.
A wonderful lesson learnt.
So how can judgement be positive?
Judgement keeps us safe.
Judgement makes us assess a situation before we enter into it.
If we didn’t judge, how would we know what we do and don’t like?
How would we choose a life partner or make friends?
If we didn’t judge how would we know where our boundaries lie?
If we didn’t judge we would open ourselves up to all manner of mental confusion, we simply wouldn’t know ourselves.
Judging other people allows us to connect with the people who are aligned with our own values and moral compass.
To make friends with people who will lift us and support our growth not hold us back or drag us down simply because we are on different life paths.
This is not mean, this is a natural process to create a life that supports us.
To judge a situation is to work out if it is safe for us to participate.
Judging someone’s work allows us to determine what’s right for us.
Take an artist for example, judging their work does not mean their art isn’t beautiful it just means it’s less aesthetically pleasing in comparison to another artists work.
There is no harm in that.
You are not being mean.
You are simply acknowledging what looks attractive through your own eyes.
This applies to almost every area of life.
How would we know what books to spend our time reading?
What colours to decorate our house?
What clothing suits us?
Without judgement who are we?
Without judgement you would lose a part of what makes you who you are.
So consciously judging others critically just because you’re feeling crappy, drop that attitude. It’s not cool.
But judging someone or something as a gauge to whether you want them in your space.
Perfectly healthy and totally ok.
Don’t judge yourself for being judgemental, bring your awareness as to the purpose of that judgement and then make your conscious choice. To keep the judgement or to apologise and move on.
You can be a good person and judge as well.
When you do the work to get to know yourself everything in you life becomes easier.
Decision making speeds up.
Your boundaries become stronger.
You gain the confidence in knowing who you are and what you like that the self critical thoughts disappear.
If you’d love to discover more about what makes you tick my 12 week ‘Watch Me Grow’ programme has been designed for that exact reason.
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